Guy Rules

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• Rule #6 Any man that brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
• Rule #1,073 Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
• Rule #1,699 Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature's unsuitable.
• Rule #2,284 (The Patton Principle) Falling on a grenade for a buddy (i.e.,agreeing to distract the not so good looking friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up bonking her, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
• Rule #2,500 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
• Rule #2,738 Woman who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
• Rule #2,811 If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-----you didn't see nothin'.
• Rule #2,901 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)
• Rule #4,671 While your girlfriend MUST bond with your buddies' girlfriend within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals' significant dickheads-----low level sports bonding is all the law requires. (Sorry ladies: It's called a double standard because it's twice as true.)
• Rule #6,571 It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
• Rule #7,104 Only in a situation of mortal and/or ass peril are you allowed to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.
• Rule #7,105 Unless your in prison, never fight naked.
• Rule #7847 If your buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If during the past 24hrs his actions have caused you to think What this guy needs is a good ass whipping, you may stand back and enjoy.
• Rule #8,000 Friends don't let friends wear Speedo's. Ever. Issue closed.
• Rule #8,812 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
• Rule #8,911 Never allow a phone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you're able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; hang up if necessary.
• Rule #9,806 The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
• Rule #9,998 Always split aces and eights. No argument.